Attn: inn keeper

Dear inn keeper,

I am finally coming round to liking your outfit. I think it has a way of growing on you. Perhaps it i s the clueless waitresses and their interesting version of English. It could be the food served in portions enough for a family of 4. I can't seem to point to what it is I like most about this place....

I must confess I was never consulted in the process of choosing a hotel for this trip otherwise I would not have picked yours - don't feel bad, it just wasn't on my list [it still isn't]. When I think Fort Portal, Mountains of the Moon Hotel comes to mind; my imagination sometimes stretches a little further to Ndali Lodge... but never have I ever imagined Tooro resort hotel [ by the way yours doesn't qualify to be called a hotel, not even in the third world country rankings. No please we too know how hotels should look/feel like, well not all of us but that is beside the point]. I digress.

Having spent several nights, in a dormitory (I insist - no decent hotel room of 4X4 meters can accommodate 3 beds - fitting them in their exposes a hint of ingenuity with a  tonne of tenacity and a large helping of greed all deeply seated in your soul), My pleas for change of rooms have finally reached your high office! today I got a change of room, even though I may stay in it for only a day or two, its quite an improvement! I had actually imagined that all rooms use TV as wall art pieces but alas this one actually works. Even if it is not 21 inches as the one in my former room, a whole 14 inches of working T.V. is so much better.

The bathroom here is also quite an improvement: The hot water tap actually delivers hot water. And the soap dish actually  is a soap dish - a contrast to the other one I was used to where the place which should have had the soap dish instead had a toiled roll holder... I'd love to meet your architect and civil engineer!

The bed actually has a blanket and duvet! May God bless you! Perhaps you had me mistaken for a native of these lands who is so used to the near zero temperatures at night. Oh well I am glad we have sorted that out as well.

My food order arrived before I slept!! Is that normal? Well I liked the fish fillet, it was quite a lot compared to the portions proffered in Kampala. The fries were a bit too dry and little greasy but I wasn't too bothered by that. What I was not sure about is the avocado: must is be that hard? I thought I needed to cross a certain great river to find my friends who pronounce chips and fish as "sips and fis".

I am quite happy here and I'm almost sure tonight I'll sleep much better with the promise of a hot shower in the morning and no back pain.

Your forever thankful guest (room 16 formerly in room 13)

PS: why is the t.v, so far from the bed? Is it by design that small TVs should be as far from the viewer as possible? Why is it hanging so high as if to say: NO Touchy! I am straining my eyes a bit to view it. Perhaps a bar stool or a pair of binoculars may solve my predicament?
PPS: are the other channels all not suitable for my age bracket? Why are they off? When I saw the cable connected to it and the dish outside I thought we had Pay tv. All I have here is one channel - National TV. I was hoping for some series and movies tonight... yes?
PPPS: Thanks for including a wardrobe in here, though it about as big as a large coffin, it will do :)
P.....S: I still have no mosquito net.

Pico Solar PV: the first step towards achieving rural electrification

World over 1.4 billion people have no access to electricity. and about 2.7 billion depend on traditional biomass for their cooking energy. Bringing it closer to home, our Uganda depends heavily on tradition biomass, up to 92% of our energy is from traditional biomass exploited in wasteful ways leading to vegetation loss of up to 80,00 hectares per year! At this rate it is expected that by 2030 we may have absolutely nothing in form of biomass to depend on.

Our good policies, like the renewable energy policy for Uganda and the National Development Plan are yet to effectively improve the situation for a number of reasons:

1. The investment to put these wonderful plans in to actions with great impacts is not yet there. you may say that the 800billion allocated to Karuma and the current investment in Bujagali are signs of fundamental change, but I dare say they are not enough. Our industries can't wait for these developments to be commissioned so as to shut down their emergency generators which they currently run for at times 50% of the operational time. very little may change in the medium term especially for the households.
2. Even if Karuma is to come online next year [which is impossible, of course] my mother will not have electricity, simply because she cannot afford it. Besides, stories in the media recently showed that power tariffs may go up instead of the much needed reductions. Experts have also advised against power subsidies from government, meaning that even for those who are currently enjoying the electricity service, the going is just about to get tougher.
   
3. I know of households across northen Uganda and most of rural Uganda in general still living in huts, accessed using foot paths and with just about enough schooling to get them to count. How would these benefit from grid electricity even if it was offered freely?

Simple suggestions to increasing rural electrification and save lives

1. There is need for extension services in the energy sector. these services would go along way in increasing awareness on advantages of switching to morden energy services. This would help stimulate demand for pico solar PV products across the country and reduce importation of expensive, polluting kerosene, a contributor to over 1.4 million deathe worldwide due to indoor air pollution.
2. Government and private sector together with donor communities should put the pico solar PV systems dissemination agenda at the forefront of their development strategy. A typical system costs from as low as 35,000 shillings. It is safe and not polluting. It can be used for over 2 years maintainance free. And, it offer better lighting than the common kerosene lamps on market. This initial investment, comapred to the benefits is a small price to pay. Government should attract investment in this area as a stepping stone to achieving rural electrification. Overall, at average price of 70,000 per household, total investment of 420 billion would ensure that every Ugandan household is rid of the kerosene lamp. Compared with the 1.2 billion dollar Karuma project [to be comissioned in about 5 years] this is surely a low hanging fruit
3. 
4. Through SACCOs and MFIs, the costs for such replacements could be recovered in about 2 years. even poor households may have means to repay if good payment terms are enforced to ensure fairness in the transactions of these instituions.
5. Donor support to such projects would also go a long way in expediting the electrification of country - a benefit towards achieving MDGs
   

Technologies
A number of start-up companies in Uganda are vending pico solar products. Many of these originate from India, china and other Asian countries. Recent studies in Uganda show that some products are not genuine - spoiling markets for genuine products. Government ought to come out strongly and enforce standards on pico solar PV equipment/ product to ensure value for money. This would increase consumer confidence in these relatively new technologies across systems.

There is a need to promote products with modular designs, this increases markets for the products as customers choose to scale up from one room lit to several over time. These would also be useful in situation where demand are so very - which is true for Uganda.

Conclusions

1. As we await the commissioning of the big power projects, the communities continue to suffer from impacts of use of kerosene lamps. Even if these grid electrification was to happen, it's reach and use in rural communities would remain a dream because communities are not ready.
   
2. The communities need extension services on modern energy options / solutions.
   
3. Simple steps to improving livelihoods would start from pico solar PV and gradually move to main stream solar/ wind/ off grid hydro then on grid hydro, all these steps guided by demand resulting from appreciation of each intermediate step.
4. Pico solar solutions therefore provides the key to mass rural electrification as a first step towards on grid electrification processes.
5. Technology options for dissemination need to be approved by local and international standards agencies to reduce cases of fake products on the market.

Letter to the big man...

Dear sir,

I just want to enter a plea (or like one advocate put it, entering a pulley!) concerning the shilling. I am terribly failing to meet the my financial obligations to me, my family and to my creator. you may blame me for being a spendthrift, but I assure you I gave up those good habits long ago. You may blame it on the economy but that is an animal I have failed to understand. You may blame it on the opposition [ some people may even think i belong with them] but i have no idea how those who don't contrl the budget can really be the cause of my financial dilemma!

Last year I quit my Job and took up another which promised to pay more. In deed the job pays more but I am not very happy. There is more month at the end of the money and I am starting to look malnourished.

Can't you curb this monster called inflation? Some have suggested that you are actually causing it by giving many big gifts to your cronies... Can I become your cronies please? I even requested you to be my friend on facebook but it turns out someone else does your facebook for you, besides, you have more fans than U2, how am I supposed to get close to you, you also know that I am an introvert who rarely exerts himself too much on anyone.

Some say because you bought us some big guns and metallic birds to carry them, we can't afford sugar... Did I ever mention that I love flying? Can I pretty please, become one of the flyers of those big guns? But why did you buy those birds, now I can't afford the things I need [strike that, I mean i can barely get by].

I also have an issue on the tax, I do the work and you take out 30% of my money. I have never reclaimed my withholding tax returns. and now that the times are hard, is it possible for me to hold onto the taxes for a little while until things get better? I mean the 30% you take out would go a long way in helping with my situation.

I am told if i was setting up a big building in Kampala I would not pay any tax on materials, etc. I am putting up a relatively big building on my plot in Entebbe... well? Why was I not given any tax breaks? Ok. 3-bedrooms is not 5 storey building but more than 80% of Ugandan may disagree with you on this matter....

I have another brilliant idea: is it possible for me to head one of the ministries where you are channeling a lot of money? I am above 30 years. I am qualified in Energy, Rural industry, rural roads... can e create a ministry for SMIs? Small scale industries? How about state ministry for rural energy and electrification? I can also lead the ministry on labour-based road development... what say you?

Do get back to me on the matter our relationship depends heavily on this.

Travelling economy class

Very soon I will be a millionaire (in dollars/ pounds/ euros) but that day is not today, sadly. On that note, my dear, Adyeri, you don't expect that I can offer much advice on which channels to watch on some 52" led TV in some 7 star hotel in Dubai. Neither can I point out the location of the button to press to recline your giant seat in first class on a Boeing 747 airliner. Nope, to ask me about such things, is to think way too highly of a common mechanic. But so as not to look absolutely stupid about matters of traveling and the dos and don'ts no the matter, here is my guideline to follow, whilst this side of the millionaires' club.

In the taxi:

• Hold your bag close to you.
• Count out your fare before you leave home.
• Do not talk to strangers
• Ignore that phone call.... if you must make it short and quick.
• By all things holy don't slumber, taxis in this country are not for the fainthearted.
• everyone for himself [and herself in your case of course] so you have no business handing your fare to your neighbour to pass it on for you to the conductor. Do it yourself.
• Ask for your change long before you disembark.
• A strong voice helps.... not for the fainthearted remember?
• Did I mention the part about staying awake? What I really meant was STAY AWAKE.

In the taxi park:

• This is not your restaurant so you have no business appeasing your appetite here.
• Your neighbour is not your mother.
• The broker is not out to help you.
• If it looks good to eat, keep walking ahead.
• If it has rained, you should not attempt to use the taxi park.
• Fight a good fight. Don't let go of your purse or bag.
• High heels won't do.

On an upcountry bus:

• Carry your own toilet roll.
• Do your business whenever you find a gas station. To illustrate, permit my digression: A young lady with aristocratic tendencies was en-route to Mombasa in the compay of many ogling young men whose testosterone could be detected miles away. To emphasize her aristcracy class, she quickly developed an accent. Between Nairobi and the National park, they stopped for a quick bite and soon after continued on their journey. While in the park the young lady's face changed. her nose, once high in the air was now fully dilated. She was perspiring profusely as she approched the conductor and demanded gently that the bus be stopped - in Tsavo National park. Of course the conductor did not heed to such a ridiculous idea. But the girl raise her voice now in full panic, almost near tears. The conductor caught the finally understood the magnitude of the situation, but not before the boys who were watching every move the girl made. The bus soon stopped and she jumped off and squatted not so far from the bus, in full view of the other passengers [including the boys], after all this was the Tsavo, famous since 1900s for man-eating beasts. As she loudly carried on with her business, the boys asked, rather loudly whether she had taken any tissue....

• Its good to take the window seat, but not always. Once someone coughed and spat out of a fast moving bus. I was seated on the next row, and I got the spittle in my face due to wind movements.
• Do jump if your leg makes contact with a goat, lamb or calf, it is normal practice. If you find any eggs rolling about on the bus floor, they are yours for keeps. The owners of the chickens in question will have no way of tracing them to you.

On the aero plane:

• You class is at the back, hence the colloquial term: coach
• If there few seats in your sections, you are in the wrong section.
• If your neighbour's chair is not attached to yours [ and you are not in a bi-plane or some small Fokker] you are still in the wrong section.
• you get on first, but you get off last. you might as well stay seated until they say you can leave.
• You won't be allowed to schmooze with the people in the other classes, but they can come and flirt with the people in your section, if they have time between meals, movies and their ipads.
  

In Cheap hotels:

• Expect nothing, that is to say, nothing at all.
• Carry your own soap, toothpaste, towel, bedsheets, and mosquito net.
• Use bottled water - at least for brushing your teeth.
• If you need entertainment carry it as well.
• Practice how to use a latrine, it may help.
• Flagyl is your friend in deed. Never forget it at home.
• Don't look too hard at the shower head before you take a shower, you may change your mind.
• Don't sit on the toilet seat. You may have to go about it suspended mid air.
• Carry ear plugs. a lot happens in lodges that you rather not be party to!
• Certain calligraphy may be present in places of ease. learn to live with it.
• They don't serve breakfast in bed. Besides, you will want to escape the vermin in the said bed.
• Your room was designed by a minimalist... appreciate that little fact.
  

that sms alert

It's My birthday again and I am overwhelmed by the number of friends that have called, texted and sent me wishes via facebook!

Unfortunately I am in Fort Portal and Can't cash in on all those promises of parties, wines and cakes. But thanks be to M-sente, you guys can make it happen! I have now left the meeting that had held me down so, I am practically patched at the M-sente vendor waiting for the sms' and calls announcing the arrival of the [ now weak shillings] onto my account!

"I was young and now I am old, but I have never seen the righteous forsaken"... I tell my self over and over as the clock ticks and my host at the UTL shop looks at me rather apprehensively. I have a strange feeling she wants to take a leak but my presence bars her from such a silly notion since she has no one else to man her post! Even then, I am not taking no for an answer. I'll sit here and wait for the sweet sound of the short messages from you heralding that my account has suddenly become pregnant and I'm the proud owner several ten-thousand shilling bills, courtesy of you my good friends, my family and even colleagues!

On my way to the UTL shop I noted some places where some of the money you are sending will change hands. there was the meat place where chunks were already on the roasters. I could not believe my luck when those attending to the roasters promised I will have enough to feed a clan if I wanted to! Right next to it, music blared, the speakers seem to be out of tune but that matters not, at least not today! I also just managed to scout out a good watering hole. My colleagues say the office practice is that they buy the first round and I have to meet my expenses after that. Someone failed to inform my colleagues that I don't drink [much], but then again its my birthday. I have been told Mountains of the Moon hotel is also in the neighbourhood and that it is cleaner, warmer and serves better breakfast than my current lodgings... just for tonight.

So you see, I can't wait for that beep on my phone, that sms alert to confirm my thoughts, wishes nd suspicions - that you are doing something special for me, you all my friends, my family.

I love you! :)