Death by Local FM stations

Death by local FM stations

I am a blue collar worker... well maybe not excatly but I think you get my drift. I get into the car heading to office round about 6.00am for an hour’s drive to work and then I am in office where local radio is not broadcasting as we get about tasks.  In the evening I check in again to find out what stories are on our local Frequency Modulation (FM) Stations. In otherwise, FM radio is normally a couple of hours in the car to and from work. I specify FM stations because for some reason Short Wave (SW) Amplitude Modulation (AM) and Medium Wave (MW) stations are a thing of the past (no offence to Uganda Broad Casting Corporation). Once in a while I get to travel across the country and listen to as many FMs as I possibly can. Of course there are many areas where FMs are broadcasting in local dialects I don’t understand. I don’t listen to those.  To my dismay, FMs are spewing out way too much rubish. Our children are in trouble.

The absolute lack local content – death by foreign influences

Whoever wrote the creed for our Ugandan FM stations must have failed to include a few clauses on local content. Most of our radio stations, local content means 2 minutes of news briefs and an overload of music - mostly foreign. They paint a picture of a country with no action, with nothing local to report, with no programmes to air. Are we a country that feeds off solely from E!, MTV, TRACE and the like? I acknowledge the need to rebroadcast  international news and programmes, but apart from sports 8again hugely foriegn) there is little to say in form of content beyond music.  I keep asking myself if there is any quality control managers for our local stations. We are being potrayed as too unimaginative having little to discuss on air. In short, we are being numbed by the music replays. We have CDs and MP3s for that sort of thing. What takes us to radios is a good mix of dialogue, digests, news, and measured entertainment. We don't listen in so that the broadcasters can kill us off with mind-numbing music and little else.

That said there are some good stations who strive to give listeners about 3-4 hours of real good quality programming every day. There stations that teach us about our culture, our history, our politics, our farming and how we can improve in the a few selected sectors. There is however so precious little of these good topics and those with the great digests broadcast them mostly in local dialects… How often do you get an hour’s audio broadcast on the following: Manufacturing, Justice, rights, constitutional affairs, Innovations, Employment, Tourism, Education, Health, Security, Trade, Gender, youth, child development? I bet you these topics are simply crammed into 2 minutes briefs every hour on the hour. And if you listen long enough you will realise these briefs are repeated every hour for 6 hours before someone realises they probably have overdone it.

Come on radio owners, managers, regulators, we need better. Music is not enough - its not everything. Entertainment news is not enough. Repeated news bulletins won’t cut it. Use your platforms productively. Use your creativity. Give us quality stories, indepth analyses, magazines, digests. Talk to us about new challenges, business, trade, innovations, and share new knowledge. Make your contribution to Uganda’s development.

The commercial FM – death by adverts

I don’t know about you but I think the FM radios are oversubscribed with adverts. You have up more than 5 adverts running almost every 10 minutes. You spice these up with DJ mentions which nowadays sound EXACTLY like the advert. Worse still, the advert is made just before or right after the DJ mention and you wonder why the repetition. Our ears are numbed with your ads. There cases where all you get between mucis interludes and adverts! Mor and more the presenters sound like robots being cued in and out. 

Here is what happens when  you start your lengthy ad session: I quickly go to next choice of FM, change to  CD/MP3 or swtich off until I feel the ads are done. Your ads are way too repeatitive.  I do that almost every morning, once the song is done and the presenters start their sing-song of a tirade of DJ mentions crammed in 2-5 minutes, I flip the switch.  We know you make money from the ads but that doesn’t mean you  sound too scripted that we are bored to death: here is a case in point: There is an ad about signing up for this job website /mobile app. Once it is done the presenter repeats it. I once heard 2 presenters on several day making the same mistake on air every day. They would say,"... whether you are a pony a bishop or a king" Now if you play a little bit of chase you know that there is no piece called a pony. They meant a Pawn! But since everything is scripted, 2 presenters on the same show for about a week called it a pony! Robots. If your client’s haven’t complained, I guess they are just as unimaginative.

For all of you scrambling for ad space in what has been segmented as prime time, I will repeat my words (pun intended): We simply skip to the next FM when your advert starts… unless that was your intention of course.

A digital world that has left you by – death by short-sightedness

Have you ever tried to tune in to the local FM stations online especially on your smart phone?  Yes, for some of the big Kampala FM stations you are able to find online streaming services. I can bet many people don't know this.

Here is feedback for the FM industry:

• It is excruciating to access the digital channels especially on phone. I guess the management thinks using mobile apps instead of full web version is a waste of time?
• Perhaps the owners of FM stations dont give a hoot whether you can hear their programmes in Kyoto, Kamuli, Kansas or Kaberamaido?
• Perhaps they are closed off in their thinking and are too busy trying to meet the needs to Kampala to imagine a future where they actually influence thoughts and development across nations.

The world is your audience, stop imagining that you are broadcasting to Kawempe Division only. We would like to listen to our favourite shows (they are so precious few of these) wherever we go, around the world. Expand your imagination, give us digital FM radio. We live in an age of ICT, big FM stations should not keep thinking you are an over grown Public Address (PA) system meant for a few kilometre radii of listenership.  We demand internet radio  that is easy to access.

 

The lack of PG ratings – death by the blips

I pity parents who take kids to school in the morning while listening to certain breakfast shows in Kampala. From the songs to the presenters’ chit-chat, most of what you hear should come with a PG caution. The stations (or whoever controls the content) have figured out that once a song has been cleaned out by blipping all the profanities, it is safe enough for everyone to enjoy. Now I don’t know about you, I quickly fill in the blips and reimagine the entire song. If I do it, I think many do it. And hence kids soon enough learn to fill in the blanks (sorry blips). Can we have radio with cleaner content or PG ratings on shows so that we know when our next generation can be allowed to tune in? Radios should be held responsible for the content they broadcast.

The politically overcharged – death by polarisation

Here is another case of lack of imagination. A couple of radios have figured that giving us a politician every evening (or some time of day) is the best way to keep us politically informed. The idea is great, the execution? May be not! There is lack of variety. You have the same politicians on the same radio every week. I start to think the politicians are in bed with the media. And they have created such a blurred line I can almost see it. You wonder whether there is any objectivity in the stories / interviews being spewed out.  It’s tiring imagining one station as government and the other as opposition. Most of your stations are registered as private business entities, why then do you seem so obviously being paid by one side or the other? It kills the very essence of journalism. In my very minimal analysis, there are 2 camps. The politically (over)charged and the (very) apolitical. In other words it’s all or nothing. There is no balance.  We want radios to be sources of quality information we can trust. But more and more we take everything they say with a sack of salt. Politics is killing the radio listenership real fast.

There is a lot is more out there than cheap politics of pro and opposition MPs usual mantra of mudslinging. Give us good political discussions / debates that actually build us. We quickly tire of those conspiracy theories that simply polarise the public without good solutions.

The repetitive hum-drum – death by monotony

• Some stations play the same songs over and over until you know the lines by heart. Thank you for filling our brains with songs guys. Great job people, nicely done!
• Some stations haven’t changed programming in 5 years. Thanks for being extremely predictable! We are very comfortable knowing what to expect every day.

• Some of the stations have the same presenters for the last decade… doing the same shows. That is simply great. We get so attached to your great voices, views and personalities that we keep thinking you are a member of our extended families.

In otherwords...

You need to evolve. Innovate, reimagine, and improve your game. Even with the same presenter or same show, we could do with better content, more creative presentations and more variety within the programmes and across the day. We could definitely do with some variety in music (especially for those who kill us with a song just because it is so popular on UK charts or some US billboard). How can a song be that popular that you play it 4 times a day?  You might imagine that it’s a good song and the artists but soon enough we move on. We hear the song and flip the switch.

We have great music from all over the world, not simply from a handful of countries. You have 24 hours, at your disposal, not just 4 hours. You have terabytes of music, not a few bytes. 

On our side we have a couple of local radio stations and thousands on the internet. We have social media, blogs, news sites, YouTube channels, sports channels, itunes, series channels, streaming movie channels, and tonnes of other distractions to keep us busy.

Keep us interested. Or else we shall move on! We are your clients. The promoters want us to buy their merchandise not run away due to overdose. The musicians want us to listen to and enjoy their songs not flip a switch due to overdose.

Teething at the new job

Isn't it always exciting to start a new thing? To step out into the great unknown and make new discoveries. Learn a few things... rediscover lost talents and passions and all that comes with ditching the old and starting anew.

Well not always!

Alas who wants to step into the new great unknown when we were "ok"where we were?
What are all these new discoveries worth? what if we don't like what we get/ receive?
It's a jungle out there, if you have been in a jungle before, you know it aint all pretty!

Yet still we curb all those runaway emotions and choose to step into the whole new world. We over come our fears, our inertia and hope to God that we have made the best decision possible.

I have been there often. And I have been there recently. I resgned my job andtook up a new offer elsewhere. It was one of those "life changing decisions"! I mean I had a great team  and it was just getting better. there was team cohesion [and minor friction] there was new energy and drive for results. The projects were increasing and hence more money was coming into the  office.

But I made that decision to move!

My first week in the new office is almost at the end, i thought I would take off time to review it.
1. On day 1: I forgot to wear a perfume or deo. I spent the day trying not to sweat!
2. On day 2: I discovered that there was a cheaper lunch option having spent an arm and a leg the previous day on food....
3. On day 3: I didn't wear a belt
4. On day 4: I had a stomach upset all day!

....

Relationships viewed through the periodic table

Dimitri Mendeleev gave us the clues on the elements of the earth. I'll take it further and postulate that these elements also represent our relationships.

I have no rights to this image and claim none. accessed from http://www.sciencegeek.net/tables/DeltaBio.pdf

Sodium has valency 1.... hence it is monogamous unless it finds a cheating spouse such as a sulphate ion, in which case it will be bundled up with its sister/ brother in an unholy matrimony....Never mess with the sodium types if you are not ready to settle down because they are as violent as they are passionate.  Another point to consider: It is almost impossible to find the sodium types unattached; they have such strong bonds that by nature they will be in a relationship, almost always. Good luck to you as you fixate yourself... To all sodiums out there:  you are officially endangered species.

Iron on the other hand prefers two or three bonds now you know why it is easily [heart] broken. it is not committed to any of these bonds. Sadly many land in its net because of its ability to associate with them so easily. Watch out for iron especially if you are oxygen and exposed to a little water, you just must be left as rust... talk about an early old age.

Do not mess with people with temperaments of  hydrogen. Bad news from the onset and you are bound to lose all battles with this kind. If you come in glowing these  Hydrogen types are the kind of stuff that will set u ablaze again. If  you mess with one such type when in high concentration[ read drama queen] they will mourn for you as one of the suicide bombers. On the other hand if you are oxygen, this may be your best bet because once you form that bond (water) there is no turning back unless, of course you find yourself ionised [tipsy/ high]  and some very strong catalyst presents its self...

Some dudes and girls are as deadly as uranium. Sugar mums and sugar daddys aka sponsors... Their weight can be compared to the heavy metals such as Uranium and plutonium. Unsuspecting damsels and gold-digging dudes rush in for these only to end up in graves before their time.  These heavy metals slither in mbu to give you power and money (Chernobyl and Fukushima come to mind) and will only exit when you are long dead. What's with long half lives and poisonous influences??

There are dudes and girls who are simply too loose. They are too available like carbon. What with being in everyone's system and not giving people a break? (carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, food, you body cells, trees, roads, plastics, 99% of your trash. Have just exhaled? )

We also have bleachers... [Chlorine] by the time they are done with you, you'll be hanged out to dry. Cleaned out completely.

Others are simply too inactive they are inert.  Imagine dating a girl with a personality of argon!! They won't act.. it's like playing tennis alone! Inert partners are a frustration. You will in the end have nothing to talk about. Steer clear of this because they do you no good. When your friends ask why, tell them there was no chemistry :)

Perhaps the most deadly group are those who are both volatile and with unstable masses (Caesium for example a metal which is liquid at room temperature) ). Thankfully these are a rare brand that most of us will not even meet in our lifetimes.

It is just as unfortunate to end up dating someone you consider to be mercury. This metal is known for being very dense and very poisonous. I think it is even more unfortunate if you consider your partner to be dense. Guess you are the dense one 
But every once in a while you will find gold, silver and platinum. You are lucky to meet such a partner. hang on to them and make strong bonds together. don't change them becuase then they will no longer be the element you fell in love with. There is a huge difference between silver and silver nitrate. one is precious and maketh the rich, one only gets your body hair to grow faster... 

In  a sentence: to date well, know your chemical composition lest you make those terrible bonds that make distrous relationships

Free ranging...

I'm traveling again.
Life is a maze of roads, one starts where the other ends. No desitation is a final destination. I never seem to stop. I rarely slow down. I'm speeding, over speeding. I'm driven. I follow my ambition. I keep looking for the next goal, then next bend in the road, and the surprise it might bring.

I'm constantly on the road, a hippie of sorts. My thumb is out to catch the free ride. Even when I resit the urge, somehow they find me, they ask if I want to go, if I need a ride, I can't help myself... but yeild.

Even when I refuse, looks like everyone expects me to go. They cheer me on, until I get up and board that ride. And so I'm on the road again, to my next mission. My destination, off to see the world, to find insight. to get inspired and acquire new knowledge. I'm soaking it all up for in a short while I'll have to tell my tale, and these are the pieces of that huge puzzle. These journeys  I make will be the brush strokes on my canvas, the master piece I make for all to adore.

I'm back on the road, never staying very long in any place. 3 days here, 5 there. a week here, and 2 over there. I know my home but I rarely see it. I miss home but I seem to escape it.

 

Give him the finger!

Girls, sometimes it only right and proper that you give that guy the finger. Let me rephrase: Ladies it is OK to give the young man that finger.  Here is why.

When a man decides that they are ready to settle down with you and get married. It is no small thing. Guys today more than ever are quite, loose, randy and hugely irresponsible. They want you but they don’t want the whole of you. They are not ready to commit.

But not every guy is like that. Many are actually good. Yes they struggle. Yes they don’t have it all figured out. And yes, they have imperfections. They don’t think they are the best thing to have happened to you, many think they actually don’t deserve you. They are fully aware of their imperfections, inabilities, and in some cases deep seated insecurities.

Give him the finger!

They also see you. You are the envy of the community. You make them feel complete. You excite them, you rock their world, you give him sound advice. You are the firm shoulder they lean on. You are smart and witty. 

They may also see your other side. The imperfect side. I’ll not elucidate on that side because you know it very well. Even then, the guys have decided to settle with you.

It’s never a simple decision for a guy to get married. We give up alot. We lose friends [especially girl friends – to mean female friends]. We exchange our best friends for you. We leave our parents homes – yes we too have parents who love and think the world about us! We lose our freedoms / rights. We even lose part of our identity. 

And for all this we ask for that finger. Of course with it we are asking for your heart.

But many times, when he’s asked for the heart, hence the finger, the girl suddenly feels sweet. She plays hard to get. She suddenly starts to think of all the others who may also pop the question. She considers the deal for so long that the guy’s deep seated insecurities start to surface... 

Girls, if the stars are aligned for you. Ask yourself the basic questions, the core questions and once you are comfortable with the answers. Go ahead and give him the finger. Don’t wait to have all the answers to ALL the questions. I can promise you won’t have them even if you wait for a lifetime. 

We all settle for the core values.  The rest is left to God and community.

Again I say, Girls, if he meets those core values, it’s OK to give him the finger!

JT's compressed dictionary

JT is growing quite some. He even has clothes preferences for the school days. No drab colours for him. He looks out for the funky stuff.  His grammar is also picking up  quite. below are a few words that have cracked us up over and over.

Shiwi [a word used to mean sorry]
Fif-off [a variant of switch off]
Ethrathry [also read as exactly]
Hawo [ is not a name but a representation of the English word "Hullo"]
A ha woo [Is our sweet way of saying "I love you"]
Ningo Ningo  [part of the over done nursery ryhme that also starts with the word "twinkle twinkle"]
Haf [is a new rendition of  "Hi-five"]

spurious relationships

I'm in Kasese.
I'm reading an essay. It's full of hearsay.
It's raining outside.
It's quite warm inside.
I ate goat for supper for the first time.
My belly now makes a chime!
I'm forced to stay awake reading a report so boring
Yet the bed is obviously calling, imploring.
....

Cineplex Cinema - beyond movies

For most Ugandans Cinema experience means only one thing: Cineplex cinema. A business that has continued to monopolise this sector for the last n+ years[ after all I am not so sure when they came to be - late nineties perhaps]. Unfortunately the many years experience for Cineplex have meant nothing in terms of progress. Their only success has been in diversion. these seem like sweeping statements but if you've gone to Cineplex as long as I have or longer, you would have noticed the glitches in the movies, the quality of the service or the service or the lack thereof.

The beginnings
My first cinema experience was at Cineplex [hint hint I was not born in the 60's - contrary  to popular belief]. Those days, Cineplex was at Wilson road, 2 halls. easy access for all those who -like me - depended on taxis for transportation. With hindsight, I think Wilson road was very inconvenient for the folk with cars. parking was not always available to the movie goers. And if you know Wilson road  well enough, you would agree with me that leaving your car on that street and going for a 9.30pm movie would probably not be the best idea.

But thing got worse at Wilson road. First came the vermin. stories of rats running in the isles as people enjoyed their cinema became common. Poor you if you had taken a girl to the cinema to watch a thriller and at the moment of intense suspense, a rat runs on her feet... bad, bad, bad.

next came the load shedding. There were times you could watch a 2 hour movie in 3 hours. Wilson road seemed to lack back up power. So while in darkness as you waited for the return of UMEME or when they finally started Using a generator which never seemed to come on automatically, the rats would come out to entertain you - or your feet.

Take 2: Garden city 
When a new mall opened on Yusuf Lule, Cineplex decided to move some of its clientele to a more spacious location with more parking, bigger lounges and VIP seating. We all fell for it even if it meant more costly movies. We the young folk started to save up our pocket money just so we can impress the damsel by taking them to the garden city cinema instead of the cheap Wilson road option. Besides, new movies would always be at  garden city and those of you will lean purses had to endure months old movies at Wilson road.

But that started to change as well...
Wilson road finally closed. Garden city expanded to 4 halls from the initial 2. AC started to malfunction. Cine 1 and 4 seemed to be always too cold. the others seemed relatively warmer. the adverts increased. The trailers reduced. The prices went up. Months-old movies started showing with pockets of fresh block busters every once in a while. A few premiers happened courtesy of corporate sponsorships. Then sound started deteriorating. Nice movies got over subscribed and management simply continued selling tickets such that on a few occasions, people ended up sitting on stairs to watch movies.

And a new mall opened again...

Oasis mall lured management to take up new digs there. And hence they forgot, i think, about Garden city. They promised movies in HD with imax. Prices went up if you wanted to go to Oasis mall cinema halls. they branded the establishment there the hub.they included a bookshop, coffee shop bar area and lounges. But the service changeth not. sound changeth not and i-max cometh not. So for 4 thousand extra, you get.... nothing.

Friends recently complained of a movies they were watching when on screen appeared a shadow walking across... as if showing a pirated movie. Thing is they did not show this once but their copy run it's course week in and out for every show.

There have now been two incidents [that I know of] where the movie promised did not show or simply arrived late. Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol was supposed to show from 7.00PM but the only show for the first day was at 10.00PM. And those unlucky chaps who were patient enough to wait until 10.00PM watched it until 1.00AM with breaks in between as they waited for the next reel or something.

My own experience was even more recent when I bought tickets for Avengers on Friday at 3pm with insistence from the clerk that indeed it was showing that evening. come 9.30PM when I arrived with my hot date [wife] to be informed how the movie would not show [booooooooooooooooooo] the evening was hence spoiled.

There is yet another evil about our dear vendor.  Management  knows the number of seats per hall yet they somehow cannot control their gluttony when it comes to how many ticket they sell per show.
1. The seats have numbers which are never followed.
2. The tickets have serial numbers... and could also have seat numbers if management cared.
Come entry time and everyone scrambles to be the first in to take those nice seats in the centre. So in our case it does not matter when you paid, you'll have to fight it out to get to that seat.

There was a time I entered the cinema and for 30 minutes I tried to catch the attention of the people in the booth to tell them that the picture was not in focus. I finally walked out and found the operators in the lounge sippin' drinks and chatting!!

And when the movie ends...
Management does not let the credits roll. they turn on all lights so fast and many a time there is a punchline we miss that comes somewhere between credits. We paid for the whole movie, leave us to watch it to the very end.



 Going back to the beginning...
The slogan is "Cineplex cinema... beyond movies"! But I honestly don't see anything offered beyond the movies. Perhaps the beyond movies refers to

• some history [read old movies], 
• Fright [read cinema vermin], 
• Less [read cutting movies before the last credit. Higher cost of movies with no change in quality]
• Muscles [as we fight to enter the halls]
• Lies [as we are promised movies that don't show]
• Flat bums[ as we are forced to sit on steps in over crowded cinema halls]
• I dare say the movies themselves tend to come late and at times not the best quality.
  

With the trend in operations,

• A new mall will open. 
• Cineplex will rush in to set up new halls
• We shall be promised heaven
• Garden city cinemas may be closed
• Oasis mall cinema halls will continue on a downward trend
• And another mall will open, again....

PS:
Avengers was awesome, when I finally managed to shove my into the cinema.

What's your insginia!

What is in a name and what is in a logo/ insignia?I have always wondered how some of these cars got their logos. I am not going to give you a history lecture though, but I'll share my favorite car logos and what comes to mind when I see them.

Snakes and horses

some snakes are worth keeping... Dodge Viper GTS

the definition of horse power... Ford Mustang

Sigh.... Ford Mustang Shelby GT500... do you remember the gone in 60 seconds with   Nicholas Cage67 Shelby GT500 a.k.a Eleanor? I fell in love with Ford then. And again I say, it's a dangerous thing when a snake [cobra] is "stings"  a horse [mustang]... madness.

Horses can fly... Ferrari has proven it over and over

Beasts of the highway

I am coming and you can't stop me. where these chaps inspired from the Spanish bull fights? For me a charging bull means power with almost no control. Lambo might need to en light me on this.

I have a Jaaaaaaaag. GRAAAUUUUUU

Ram it! From Dodge

 Pitch forks and all things evil

the car for rich men with a dark side... a few names come to mind

is this italiano for pagan? still makes some good stuff...

why the Y?

classic

Yamaha... doesn't matter if it is a speaker, EQ, or motorbike. Yamaha is known by the "Y"!

for lack of better insignias...

great cars, none the less



Old money! Vanity meets Modesty at the bar



fire-breathing monsters



hello! Konnie.

there is a strange thing about these Stuttgart chaps... great cars in silly exteriors.

If I had wings....

Gives you wings... a car for snobs with cigars

where money beats...

circles and crosses

Bayerische Motoren-Werke (Bavarian Motor works)

a snake and a cross... a weird combination

Reminds me of military uniforms and the united nations!... Cadillac

Chevrolet

Power Losses - Paying through our noses

UMEME made its case to the public and ERA. Their customer base grew to over 400,000 in the last 5 years. The distribution losses are down to about 30% from about 40%. They also want to invest another US$35mil in grid expansion to add more clients. they say generation and transmission losses take 70% of all losses. HENCE we must pay more.

We are paying for the losses incurred in generation, transmission and distribution. It is so unfair for a company to make someone pay for inefficiencies on it's own part. UEGCL and UETCL should not charge us for power they never generated/supplied!

There was also the issue of tampered meters - the ones that run faster than the electricity consumed. How was that addressed? No one has ever come to my home to reduce the meter rotational speed.

In a twist in the tale the government is giving out free energy saver bulbs to increase energy efficiency in households. I hereby categorically state that  I don't need another bulb from UMEME or government. I much rather the government AND UMEME and ESKOM and all those power producers reduced the losses and the already high tariff. 

The blame game continues:

Blame the oil prices. Blame the transmission and generation losses. Blame the rising dollar rate, Blame the opposition who, allegedly sabotaged the Bujagali power project... Blame it on something, anything.

Comments:

I have no control on how power is generated at Jinja or Namanve for that matter. whether we invest more in High Speed Diesel and Heavy Fuel Oil Thermal Generators or build 10 new hydro power dams and a few nuclear power plants is purely a government decision. and this holds true to Uganda's scenario

Paying for losses that I did not cause is cruel. It is theft at a whole new level. It is like passive smoking.

Giving us energy savers while the other players are heaping their sloppiness on us is an insult. Talk about giving a dog a bone!! To expect us to conserve the poor quality service should be viewed as a criminal offense.

The idea of expanding the grid to reach more customers is insane. You can't provide the ones you have with a decent service, why add to the number of your disgruntled customers?

Whether oil prices and dollar rates have gone up should be a negotiation between power companies and the government. Revising our power tariffs upward is a deliberate attempt to cripple the businesses and livelihoods of the average Ugandan. In response, charcoal and firewood use is bound to increase, to the detriment of our forests and environment.  Soon we might as well hand them back the wires and meters and light fireplaces in our compounds. I am just may be heading for the tadooba, to yield to the regression that we are being forced into. But not yet... I will actually buy that expensive solar PV.

We've been hit by a smooth criminal

21 questions: SIM card registration

Dear telecom fraternity,

I hear the communication commission wants to you get all our simcards registered. I've heard ads on the radio saying my simcard will become my address. So on this matter, I have 21 Questions I hope you can help me answer.

21 QUESTIONS
1. Is this true? I mean the part of my sim card becoming my address... scary!
2. Will you actually be able to send my relatives from Kabulasoke to my slum home in Nkere Zone by a mere touch of a button?
3. Is there a possibility that you are planning to advertise my location to all and sundry as long they have my number? and might this include all my stalkers, over zealous fans, weirdos, and the deranged alike?

ADs
4a. How come there are no fancy ads on this? Only one of you is doing a hell of a job of making me queasy about registering... I guess hence these questions.
4b. How come you afford money for all the other ads and simply send me a text to say it is good for me to register? For a record, I don't see the good in registering. One of you at least has the good sense of giving land to some puny lucky winners but the rest of the lot simply say I should walk to the kiosk hand in my details and all will be well. What a really hear is :" Go and sell your soul and all will be well"

Benefits:
5. Where are the  real benefits? Will there be no dropped calls the moment I register?
5b. Will the signal quality improve? Will I get a faster connection?

6. Will the calls be cheaper? Will the interconnection fees be removed for the registered?
7. Will I get faster response from police when in need of their services?
8. Will this bring automatic access to ambulance to my area?
9. Is there any benefit to the user for this new registration drive, anything at all?

Costs
Soon we shall be going to be counted in the national census, from the little bird I heard, it looks like that will also be this year
10. why not simply register  the simcard then?
11. Who pays for the passport photo I must deliver to the registration desk? Most passport photo booths give you 3 instead of 1 and if you are in Kampala that would be leave your wallet 10,000 shillings  lighter.
12. What If I don't have a valid ID? Those are rare in our slums. We all hoped to get IDs from the national ID efforts. Look where that has left us.
13. Did someone say passport? instead of IDs What is that?

Convenience / Efficiency/ forward thinking:
14. Could the network provider please install cameras at their kiosks and take a digital photo?
15. In this day and age should we still be doing paper registration?
16. Why not proper biometrics instead of the tedium of filling registration forms from a couple of million simcards across the country?
17. Have you or the commission taken into account the environmental impact of all that paper work?
18. Are you trying to create more jobs for data entrants plowing through all those pages of data?

Legal:
19. Is it possible that my data may get lost or find its way into the wrong hands?
20.I would like to sign an NDA with the service provider before I register lest my data end up in the wrong hands accidentally. Is that possible?
21. How do we verify that our data is safe?

Origins:
21a. How did we get here? fist mass distribution of almost free simcards and then later a costly registration!
21b. Must we firefight everything? What happened to our planning?

Conclusions:
I see many carts ahead of horses. And we maybe called upon to do biometrics registration in 3-5 years when someone figures it is a better method. Our biodata is valuable, no, it's actually portent. Kindly keep it safe for all our sakes.

the New G -Klasse What Will Brabus Do?

BBC top gear says there's a new G63 from the chaps at AB Motorfabriken i Göteborg (aka AMG) replacing the G55...

The Promises:

1. 13% more efficient. 
2. Better acceleration. 
3. Better deceleration? more horses. 
4. Better fuel economy. 
5. Better suspension? 
6. Better handling?

Brabus, your move...

for us the Brabus in diehards this presents an opportunity and a challenge! We can't wait for the finest tuner will do to this new G-Wagen. Our minds are coming up with all sorts of imegary on what could come out from Brabus in response. 

I for one I ask: 

1. Can we expect some more improvements on that ego supercharging Widestar (as if the G55 from AMG was not fuelling owner's egos enough)? 
2. Will you remove the 800bhp limit so that we hit the 1000 horses mark unhindered? 
3. A G1000 up from the G800?... mama nyabo.
4. The Overfinch chaps at Leeds are churning out a limtied edition of Range rover called Range Rover Obsidian - Can we expect something in the same rank or higher rank?

Alien

I'm an alien.... a Ugandan in  Norway.

KL 535

In an hour I'll be in the air... leaving these familiar grounds, aiming for higher grounds.

I can't wait to see what awaits me, yet I long for what I've left behind... those that I've left back.

Attn: inn keeper

Dear inn keeper,

I am finally coming round to liking your outfit. I think it has a way of growing on you. Perhaps it i s the clueless waitresses and their interesting version of English. It could be the food served in portions enough for a family of 4. I can't seem to point to what it is I like most about this place....

I must confess I was never consulted in the process of choosing a hotel for this trip otherwise I would not have picked yours - don't feel bad, it just wasn't on my list [it still isn't]. When I think Fort Portal, Mountains of the Moon Hotel comes to mind; my imagination sometimes stretches a little further to Ndali Lodge... but never have I ever imagined Tooro resort hotel [ by the way yours doesn't qualify to be called a hotel, not even in the third world country rankings. No please we too know how hotels should look/feel like, well not all of us but that is beside the point]. I digress.

Having spent several nights, in a dormitory (I insist - no decent hotel room of 4X4 meters can accommodate 3 beds - fitting them in their exposes a hint of ingenuity with a  tonne of tenacity and a large helping of greed all deeply seated in your soul), My pleas for change of rooms have finally reached your high office! today I got a change of room, even though I may stay in it for only a day or two, its quite an improvement! I had actually imagined that all rooms use TV as wall art pieces but alas this one actually works. Even if it is not 21 inches as the one in my former room, a whole 14 inches of working T.V. is so much better.

The bathroom here is also quite an improvement: The hot water tap actually delivers hot water. And the soap dish actually  is a soap dish - a contrast to the other one I was used to where the place which should have had the soap dish instead had a toiled roll holder... I'd love to meet your architect and civil engineer!

The bed actually has a blanket and duvet! May God bless you! Perhaps you had me mistaken for a native of these lands who is so used to the near zero temperatures at night. Oh well I am glad we have sorted that out as well.

My food order arrived before I slept!! Is that normal? Well I liked the fish fillet, it was quite a lot compared to the portions proffered in Kampala. The fries were a bit too dry and little greasy but I wasn't too bothered by that. What I was not sure about is the avocado: must is be that hard? I thought I needed to cross a certain great river to find my friends who pronounce chips and fish as "sips and fis".

I am quite happy here and I'm almost sure tonight I'll sleep much better with the promise of a hot shower in the morning and no back pain.

Your forever thankful guest (room 16 formerly in room 13)

PS: why is the t.v, so far from the bed? Is it by design that small TVs should be as far from the viewer as possible? Why is it hanging so high as if to say: NO Touchy! I am straining my eyes a bit to view it. Perhaps a bar stool or a pair of binoculars may solve my predicament?
PPS: are the other channels all not suitable for my age bracket? Why are they off? When I saw the cable connected to it and the dish outside I thought we had Pay tv. All I have here is one channel - National TV. I was hoping for some series and movies tonight... yes?
PPPS: Thanks for including a wardrobe in here, though it about as big as a large coffin, it will do :)
P.....S: I still have no mosquito net.

Pico Solar PV: the first step towards achieving rural electrification

World over 1.4 billion people have no access to electricity. and about 2.7 billion depend on traditional biomass for their cooking energy. Bringing it closer to home, our Uganda depends heavily on tradition biomass, up to 92% of our energy is from traditional biomass exploited in wasteful ways leading to vegetation loss of up to 80,00 hectares per year! At this rate it is expected that by 2030 we may have absolutely nothing in form of biomass to depend on.

Our good policies, like the renewable energy policy for Uganda and the National Development Plan are yet to effectively improve the situation for a number of reasons:

1. The investment to put these wonderful plans in to actions with great impacts is not yet there. you may say that the 800billion allocated to Karuma and the current investment in Bujagali are signs of fundamental change, but I dare say they are not enough. Our industries can't wait for these developments to be commissioned so as to shut down their emergency generators which they currently run for at times 50% of the operational time. very little may change in the medium term especially for the households.
2. Even if Karuma is to come online next year [which is impossible, of course] my mother will not have electricity, simply because she cannot afford it. Besides, stories in the media recently showed that power tariffs may go up instead of the much needed reductions. Experts have also advised against power subsidies from government, meaning that even for those who are currently enjoying the electricity service, the going is just about to get tougher.
   
3. I know of households across northen Uganda and most of rural Uganda in general still living in huts, accessed using foot paths and with just about enough schooling to get them to count. How would these benefit from grid electricity even if it was offered freely?

Simple suggestions to increasing rural electrification and save lives

1. There is need for extension services in the energy sector. these services would go along way in increasing awareness on advantages of switching to morden energy services. This would help stimulate demand for pico solar PV products across the country and reduce importation of expensive, polluting kerosene, a contributor to over 1.4 million deathe worldwide due to indoor air pollution.
2. Government and private sector together with donor communities should put the pico solar PV systems dissemination agenda at the forefront of their development strategy. A typical system costs from as low as 35,000 shillings. It is safe and not polluting. It can be used for over 2 years maintainance free. And, it offer better lighting than the common kerosene lamps on market. This initial investment, comapred to the benefits is a small price to pay. Government should attract investment in this area as a stepping stone to achieving rural electrification. Overall, at average price of 70,000 per household, total investment of 420 billion would ensure that every Ugandan household is rid of the kerosene lamp. Compared with the 1.2 billion dollar Karuma project [to be comissioned in about 5 years] this is surely a low hanging fruit
3. 
4. Through SACCOs and MFIs, the costs for such replacements could be recovered in about 2 years. even poor households may have means to repay if good payment terms are enforced to ensure fairness in the transactions of these instituions.
5. Donor support to such projects would also go a long way in expediting the electrification of country - a benefit towards achieving MDGs
   

Technologies
A number of start-up companies in Uganda are vending pico solar products. Many of these originate from India, china and other Asian countries. Recent studies in Uganda show that some products are not genuine - spoiling markets for genuine products. Government ought to come out strongly and enforce standards on pico solar PV equipment/ product to ensure value for money. This would increase consumer confidence in these relatively new technologies across systems.

There is a need to promote products with modular designs, this increases markets for the products as customers choose to scale up from one room lit to several over time. These would also be useful in situation where demand are so very - which is true for Uganda.

Conclusions

1. As we await the commissioning of the big power projects, the communities continue to suffer from impacts of use of kerosene lamps. Even if these grid electrification was to happen, it's reach and use in rural communities would remain a dream because communities are not ready.
   
2. The communities need extension services on modern energy options / solutions.
   
3. Simple steps to improving livelihoods would start from pico solar PV and gradually move to main stream solar/ wind/ off grid hydro then on grid hydro, all these steps guided by demand resulting from appreciation of each intermediate step.
4. Pico solar solutions therefore provides the key to mass rural electrification as a first step towards on grid electrification processes.
5. Technology options for dissemination need to be approved by local and international standards agencies to reduce cases of fake products on the market.